sunny days

Love is a verb — it’s what you choose to do and not just what you feel.

The best love stories of my life has never been romantic. Nothing beats an unspoken commitment to give each other the highest form of consideration with your platonic soulmates.

So I showed up to their wake every day, the same way they showed up for me every single time.

The random “uminom ka ba ng tubig” messages, all the times they let me go on and on about things I should already have moved on from, inviting me to third wheel in their anniversary trip because I was sad, wanting to beat up all of my exes, driving from Makati to Cavite to pick me up so we can do errands together (and driving me home), helping me egress at pop ups, & sending healthy juice back & forth during flu season.

But showing up didn’t bring them back. It didn’t bring me peace. It still doesn’t feel real. I don’t think it ever will.

Life went on. I went back to work, paid my bills, ate at restaurants we saw on tiktok, and visited places we already had booked flights for. This planet did not stop spinning. Outside my little bubble, no one will even know just from the sight of me the gravity of losing you.

Maybe one day, I’ll get married and I’ll have a few seconds of melancholy when I see your empty seat. Or when I’m reliving the glory days of my youth, your name slips out in the stories I tell my kids, they would wonder who you are & why they’ve never met you. I’ll have to relive this again and know you’ll probably feel bad at just how devastated we’ve all been since.

In the end, all I’m left with are memories from our time together and nothing else. It’s a privilege and a curse. Everyone who loves and will love me, has and will love you. And anyone who I’ll allow into my life to know me well enough, will know of your existence.

Love is a verb — I know that because I’ll keep missing you for the rest of my life. 🐈‍⬛

‘sunny days’ is for the sad girls and the loved ones we’ve lost but will continue to love 🕊️

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