[discontinued] breadwinner

Every time we said our goodbyes at NAIA, dad would say he’s off to go to work. So when I was a kid, I unintentionally gave people the impression that I was a pilot’s daughter. Even my first memory of him was picking him up at the airport when I was 4. Mom had to bribe me with chickenjoy and promises of getting to pick whatever I wanted at Toy Kingdom before I even let a “stranger” carry me without crying.

And for years after that, my dad’s existence was encapsulated by lining up for overseas telephone calls, balikbayan boxes, and looking at planes that are passing by, wondering if it was time to pick up dad again.

With dad around, we were always doing fun things. Celebrating graduations and holidays. Going on long vacations. Mom cooking all the items in her “special occasions only” menu.

But dad was not around for all the not-so-fun things. All the times I was sick. All my heartbreaks. All my failures. Even mom’s battle with cancer.

As a kid, I never really understood why my dad had to leave. Mom said it’s so I could live in a nice house, go to a nice school, wear nice clothes and own nice toys. But other kids in my class in that nice school also live in nice houses, wear nice clothes and play with nice toys. And yet they didn’t have to record their growth in long letters, cassette tapes, and pictures sent via snail mail because their parents are right there with them.

There are video calls and budget flights now. Distance is no longer an issue and simply an inconvenience. As someone who is working to make their own money, I now understand why my dad was not around. And the sacrifices he had to make for the extremely privileged life I live. He’s not the perfect dad, and our relationship has been strained by so much more than distance. But he did try his best for me. And somehow, that’s enough.

‘breadwinner’ is for the sad girls wishing the family they want and need is here.

scent strength guide